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Do you consider yourself a good, strong, kind person?
Yes? Well, maybe you haven’t been put through the fire yet, and truly tested. When you hit the hard times and are backed up against a wall by life and people. that’s when you begin to learn what you are really made of.
There’s a cost to being passive.
Choosing to ignore, let go and “be the better person” by not responding, standing up or defending yourself may be what should be the best option, perhaps even morally the “right” thing to do but there has to be a line.
A line must be drawn.
Or else you risk being taken advantage of, abused, bullied, taken for granted, you become a doormat for people to wipe their feet on. There might as well be a point where you just write “Welcome” on your face and lay down right in front of them. It’s almost the same thing.

I have morally been struggling with what I want to do, and my natural reaction and instinct to react
vs.
Christian principles, leaving it in the hands of God and waiting for it to be ended, changed or taken care of.
I haven’t been able to get a clear idea of whether or not defending yourself, speaking up, and taking a stand against unfair circumstances or people who are wronging you; Is okay in practicing a Christian faith or if it is an act against faith.
So, I’m at a constant battle with myself and thoughts.
Trying to do right but getting weary of just sitting back, biting my lip and taking it, when I know what people are doing, saying or not doing or saying, is wrong.

Lord, I am TIRED!

I’ll be brutally honest, I honestly lost faith.
I’ve been wronged so much and increasingly the last few years I have had to deal with attacks that could break even the strongest person.
The worst of all, these people that claim to be Christians and lovers of God, they have this public face but are such hypocrites. I’ve seen so much through the period of having my faith increased to becoming filled with bitterness, anger and becoming hard and numb, losing faith and almost at the point of being angry and doubting God.

I’ve lost patience with these people who have been out to destroy me, harass me, abuse me, defame me, who make up lies about me, spread it and call it truth. I’ve lost trust in most people, have become a skeptic of intentions.
It came to the point where winning is losing and losing is winning.

I’ll be the first to tell you, that I am far from being perfect and far from being a saint but I have been unfairly attacked for a few years now and no matter how good you may be, people that don’t like you..will find any reason to hate you and any people that hate you will devour any bad word spoken against you, even if deep inside, they know, it’s not based in facts.

There is so much mental illness out there that parades about as something else and I have constantly asked myself, and others, in regards to these “sick” people…Where are these people’s friends and families? Why aren’t they telling them that they have some kind of issue and why aren’t they medicated and even more….why aren’t they in an institution!!?
Too many questions, too many thoughts…but one thing I have realized is that crazy begets crazy, every time and there is always someone in the crowd, co-signing all their crazy thoughts, ideas, actions.

In all this, I’ve lost some innocence and naivety when it comes to others, their intentions and the expectation that people will one day at least, face their conscience and do right.

On the other hand, I’ve had to face myself and question my beliefs. I’ve spaced myself from people with a “hive” mentality and turned away from others opinions and rely firmly on my thoughts, feelings and beliefs.

Though, I must admit, there is still an inner war raging, but I’ve returned to my faith but of course, with the increase in faith, more attacks surface.

I just have to keep telling myself that “My change is going to come”. I have to keep pushing forward and just have faith that everything will be worked out.

One thing, I cannot do, is be fake. I refuse to. I’ve started calling apples, apples and oranges, oranges and sure, it may be a hard pill for people to swallow but n continuing to be passive, I’m just allowing myself to be overlooked and passed by.

I have been passive aggressive, I have shrunk back from confrontation. I have just chose not to respond instead of arguing and dealing with things; because I didn’t have the energy, had enough on my plate. thought it was just choosing my battles or just not worth it. I have now come to realize that taking this approach didn’t cause problems to go away, didn’t reduce the stress in my life but more importantly gave people the “OK” to continue treating me whichever way they wanted, talking about me whichever way they wanted and basically, disrespecting me.

I recently told someone that I am glad for all these trials the last few years, it’s opened my eyes and toughened my skin, pushed me out of my anti-social box, reduced my social anxiety, made me stronger and most of all, it has motivated me.

It’s not a joke when it was said that you will be tested and put through trials. I have to admit, I almost lost. I didn’t let anger, bitterness and hatred devour my heart, I didn’t let people try to put me under a blanket of shame, shoving me out of the light into some dark place so that they could declare victory and lap it up.

No, that’s not me, everything in me screams against it but it’s true, it’s easy to be a nice person, when things are good, there’s nobody in your life making it hellish, no drama, no burdens, no financial troubles, nothing or nobody constantly beating you down. I had a full plate to begin with, a heavy burden and carried it alone. I had health problems that kept me barely functioning and came extremely close to passing, more than a few times…. but was surviving, with a good disposition and thought it was as bad as it possibly get, silly me.

“It” almost had me. I almost snapped. I almost lost what is most important, my integrity and my soul.

I heard once, something along the lines of…”People will say whatever bad they can about you, just don’t make it true”.

Which is a good anecdote, sometimes people can “turn” you into the monster they are saying you are, if you let them get you to that point were pride is stronger than reason or peace.

But none of it matters, really it doesn’t.

It’s all a part of your testimony, it’s all something that you can share and possibly pull someone out of the dark with, because they didn’t think they’d ever see the sun again, but because of what you’ve gone through, you can become the beacon of hope, they needed to see, to renew their faith and encourage and motivate them to push forward. Never be ashamed of your past, your experience, what you’ve gone through because you are a testament to the human spirit, the holy spirit and Gods grace.

Storms will come, and anyone who calls themselves faithful will be tested and it’s how you weather the storm and endure these tests that will make you stronger, wiser and refine you to become the child of God, he knows that you are.

Be encouraged. You are not alone.

so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. – 1 Peter 1:7

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. – James 1:2-4

Share your thoughts with me!

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