, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Now, that I have your attention..

That saying is so dismissive. It’s said as if your expressed anxieties about what people may think or say about you is completely ludicrous and your feelings aren’t valid.

I suppose I understand the sentiment. Partly well meaning and partly contemptuous. (source pending) Ultimately being told that is NOT helpful in the least. I’d put it along the same lines as telling someone having a panic attack to calm down or a depressed individual to stop thinking so negatively. *geez, it’s that simple, huh?*

So what mindset should we have in regards to those feelings that we may have when we either know or suspect that people may not be viewing us or talking about us in the best light? I’d like to lie and say it was something quick and easy but the truth of the matter is that it takes working on yourself and then putting it into practice.

I know that sounds odd. Why would one have to work on oneself when people’s opinions of you and actions are beyond your control? It’s because of exactly that, people’s opinions and actions are out of your control and there’s nothing you can do to change that fact.

So what do you do? Change your mindset and learn to shut down those thoughts. Understand that people can only view you from their own perspective, which is biased and based on a combination of their view of the world, experiences, standards and believe it or not.. their own self worth and insecurities. That’s right, they just may be self projecting onto you.

It’s not really about “not caring” what people think about you as it is that realizing what they think about you really has nothing to do with you. It’s not you, that they don’t like. They don’t like their own perception of you. They don’t like actions you’ve taken or decisions you’ve made. They don’t like how you act or how you live. All of which are judgments made by them that relate to their own moral compasses or standards. It can also be based on their feelings of their own inadequacy that they may become aware of when around you, which in turn will cause uncomfortable feelings for themselves that they don’t want to face or in denial of and so.. they project ill feelings onto you. There are many different factors in how someone else may see you and every one of them has to do with them and not you.

Just sit back right now, and think about someone you may not like and I mean really think about it. Analyze, dissect it and get to the root of those feelings with complete honesty to yourself. Are you beginning to understand?

So, how to cope?

Shut down those negative thoughts with redirection. When you begin to worry about someone not liking you..remind yourself that it’s not really you that they don’t like, it’s their own perception of who they think you are. Which can make it easier to deal with when you realize it’s not as personal as it may feel. How much does that person know you, really? Even if that person was “close” to you they only knew bits and pieces and had formed their own idea of who you they believe you to be which may not be congruent with who you really are but remember..it’s based off their perception and not necessarily reality. When you can begin to understand your own judgments and perception of others.. you can then begin to understand how people draw their own perception of you.

That is important.

Release the need to people please in fear of them not liking you.

Be authentic and be okay with people not liking you. ( This way you only attract and keep around people that are genuinely on the same wavelength as you)

Be you, unapologetically. Don’t live enslaved to other people’s opinions.

Be okay with people not liking you. You don’t have to be liked by everyone. Better to be loved for who you are than loved for what you have to pretend to be so that you will be liked by all.

When you feel that vibe that someone doesn’t like you..train yourself to be okay with it. Remind yourself, again, it’s not about you but about them.

Most importantly..

Love yourself. Learn yourself. Forgive yourself and then release yourself from the fear of judgment; You will then have the power to be your authentic self.